The Blair Witch Project Review

Hello everyone. I haven’t reviewed any bad movies since Lights Out but, thankfully, I got to watch The Blair Witch Project, which most definitely made sure I have a movie to bash. Because honestly, it’s indescribably bad – and I know that there will be people who don’t agree because, for some reason, I’ve always had the impression that The Blair Witch Project is a cult movie a la The Exorcist (which, in my opinion, is utter waste of time as well). I finally gave it a chance and, despite the fact that witch stories don’t scare me whatsoever, I was hoping to see a movie that would make me fear walking home alone at night. I was so wrong…

The Blair Witch Project is about three students, Heather, Michael and Joshua who set out to shoot a documentary about a local legend known as the Blair Witch. According to the locals, a significant amount of kids had vanished in a forest near Burkittsville, Maryland and, therefore, people stay away from the woods. Heather, Micheal and Josh head to the woods equipped with two cameras and hiking gear in order to find facts on the Blair Witch. Who searches finds so, of course, they start seeing and hearing things that are not normal and they finally realize that they are being stalked by something that might be exactly what they were searching for. And to make the entire story oh so scary, at the beginning of the movie it says something like “On October 3 1994 three students disappeared. All that was found is this documentary footage”. Nice try! Had it been an actual scary movie, that opening info would have been unsettling.

I love indie films but this one is just so bad that I feel it’s my responsibility to warn you against it. The witch or whatever is haunting the three students is never shown in any way and the movie is an excuse to film three utterly annoying people who do nothing but fight and yell. Heather made me genuinely angry throughout the entire movie because all she did was yell, make stupid irresponsible decisions, and yell some more. And let’s talk about how unrealistic everything is – imagine you’re in the woods and, during the night, you hear screams and children’s cries and you know for sure that something paranormal is going on. Would you go investigate it with a camera in the middle of the night? No you would not! Just like myself, you’d be running for your Goddamn life. And hey, at the end they find an abandoned house that they decide to enter because they hear screams.. because why not! That just doesn’t happen unless you’re deliberately asking for something horrible to happen to you! I just HATE when protagonists get so “brave” in horror movies – and I loved The Autopsy of Jane Doe because the main characters behave just like anyone else would.

The Blair With Project is easily one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen but if you enjoy looking at woods, listening to screaming teens, or watching a wobbly camera through the woods at nights without being able to see anything, then go for it. However, the problem is not the fact that it’s supposed to be filmed with a home camera (or whatever those are called) because there are a lot of movies who use that. The problem is that anyone with sufficient access to equipment can make a movie and call themselves a film maker – sorry, Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sánchez. I know you made more than $140,500,000 on The Blair Witch Project but the movie was overly hyped and I’m sure that many people paid to watch it for that reason and they probably came out very disappointed from the cinema. The scariest part of all of this is that there’s a remake called Blair Witch.

I expected The Blair Witch Project to be so scary that I’d never doubt the existence of witches again. Unfortunately, this movie turned out to be a waste of time and an embarrassment for everyone involved. Therefore, I’ll give it 1 out of 5 clapperboards since 0 is not an option. I literally spent almost 90 minutes looking at trees in the woods…

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